genki_grandma (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} genki_grandma) wrote,@ 2008-06-20 12:11:00 |
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| Entry tags: | arashi, fanfic |
Cooking up a STORM with Chef Johnny
Rating: PG for very mild sexual humor
Character(s): Johnny Kitagawa
Warnings: None
Hello everyone and welcome to today’s edition of Cooking with Chef Johnny!
(sound of thunderous applause)
I’m your host Johnny Kitagawa and today we will be cooking up a STORM! I’m sure most of you have heard of a chocolate cake recipe called “Better Than Sex.” It’s yummy, ehh? Well, people, today’s creation is even more delicious. Yes, it is so good that you will want to use my recipe as your desktop wallpaper just for the pleasure of licking your lips every time you boot up the computer! So let’s get cooking!
(more applause)
First of all, we need some of the basics. Let’s start with a couple of cups of perpetually binding entertainer contracts, guaranteed to keep this luscious desert firmly in shape for a long, long time. Next, we’ll add my own personal secret seasoning. While I can’t tell you everything that’s in the bottle, I will give you just a few hints. We use only the biggest peacock feathers, a generous amount of sparkly sequins, and just a tiny whisper—perhaps a mere puff! of good taste. You can buy my secret seasoning online at the Cooking with Johnny Shop or here at the studios. You’ll find it right next to the Johnny’s Jumbo Uchiwas which you will also want to snap up in order to fan yourself as you surf the internet looking at my latest culinary creations.
(sound of credit cards being pulled out of wallets)
Back to our bowl, let’s add in few special ingredients. We’ll start with 5 not quite ripe boys. Now don’t worry, they’ll ripen up just fine in our recipe. In fact, when picked early like this, they produce a superior taste as they age. Yummy, yummy! And let’s throw in a dash of dork—it’s such an appealing flavor, don’t you think? We’ll also add a little talent but not too much because you don’t want to loose that initial burst of fresh taste. We can always add more later as the flavors develop, if needed. Now, let’s see—what are we missing? Oh goodness, I almost forgot the tablespoon of sexy! Silly me—what’s the point without the sexy, I always say! And if we splash in a little extra, who’s going to complain, right? You? Or you? The lady in the front with the hideous green dress—would you complain?
(Audience heard whispering—Not me! Not me! I’m not complaining!)
OK, now it’s time to put our batter into the mixer. We want to give it a good, hard mixing. I recommend 20 hour work days to really give this desert a light, fluffy texture. If you let the batter sit without beating too long, all that sexy might find someone to play with and we just can’t have that, now can we?
(Audience heard whispering--No playing! No playing!)
While the batter is in the mixer, I’d like to talk to you a little about the finished product. While it is edible immediately, superior flavor is produced with aging. You may notice some surface changes throughout the aging process. Do not be concerned, these are only cosmetic changes. The texture will also change with age but the tradeoff of cute bouncy boys versus hot seductive men, is usually considered to be quite acceptable in this recipe. Now, I’d like to invite a few members of the audience to try our finished desert. Would anyone like to come down to the front and…
(Audience heard screaming ME! ME! Pick Me!)
Wait! Please, let’s be reasonable…
(sound of overturning chairs and running feet)
Wait!
(sound of squealing and high pitched shrieks)
Not everyone! You can’t all have a bite!
Back, back I tell you—don’t touch that! Don’t… Stop!
Someone call security—there’s a riot going on in Studio J!
